Waffles vs. Pancakes

I might be a morning person now but it was never by choice. In fact, the truth is, I HATED mornings and did my best to never see them earlier then 11 am for the last 5 years. Of course, when my son Gabe was born that all changed, since he doesn’t really care whether you like getting up at the ass crack of dawn or not, he has pooped himself and he would really like to talk to you about it, NOW. Because of this naturally, in the last year I have adapted myself to waking up and getting most of the day’s things done before I would have even drowsily lifted my head up from the pillow to wonder about the time on my digital clock in the past. This of course makes me aim for an earlier bedtime from the old 4 am videogame-fest with Joe when we lived in the apartment. With the death of my ‘late-night life’ came the birth of my new ‘morning life’. And of course, with being up much earlier then I was used to, I developed a hunger for food within an hour of my rise. This begat my morning life’s first child, my true love and what later scholars will call – Breakfast.

Now, I am an abnormally skinny individual who just happens to sport an abnormally super high metabolism with an equally gigantic appetite. What I’m trying to say is that food + me = true love. Since, you are now more than likely impressed with my food credentials I will move on to the ‘meat and potatoes’ of what I’m getting at. (Ha, see that? That was a lil’ Supper-time joke for you, just to show that I’m mulit-versed in the Dinner World) What I have found is that most people have a pretty healthy appetite for breakfast foods. Who can resist bacon, toast, eggs, French toast, crepes, breakfast burritos and anything on the McDonalds “who wants to die of high cholesterol in their 40’s” Breakfast Menu. Hash browns even have the audacity to have the word ‘hash’ in their name. Of course I’m going to love crack-biscuits and cocaine-juice but we don’t call things that because they sound terrible to order around cops. Yet, hash browns are so beloved that I have heard stories of cops ordering a side of hash browns right out in public. Those are some legendary foods breakfast has on its roster, foods that are fantastic at any time of day. Which is why breakfast is the only mealtime to transcend normal meal restrictions and is offered at some places during lunchtime and dinnertime. If I were lunchtime and dinnertime I would be pissed at breakfast for encroaching on my territory – if breakfast was a person, it surely would be Kanye West.

We are of course are forgetting to mention the 2 Heavy Weight Champion of Breakfast Contenders; Pancakes and Waffles. Both are delicious in their own way. Pancakes are perfectly browned, moist, chewy and soak up syrup so well that every bite feels like the pancake was cooked in syrup, through and through. Waffles, on the other hand, are delicious in a completely separate way; golden brown crispy skin with built in bowls to hold syrup in to place so that every mouthful erupts with tiny bombs of goodness. I recently asked some of my friends which Breakfast Titan they preferred with surprising results: 1. I couldn’t believe so many people replied back their vote to me. This proves that not only do a startling 34 of my friends have nothing better to do with their time then to voice their opinion over, what professionals in the scientific community would more than likely consider a ‘big waste of time’ but also that the love of Breakfast runs deep in many people, not just me. 2. Waffles and Pancakes are equally loved by many. Seriously, utter equivalence, equality and equalitude. (that last one I made up)

Waffles – 17

Pancakes – 17

So, I realize right now that it’s a draw. Which is too bad, it’s like gearing up to watch a boxing match between Tyson and Holifield and then in the end having the judges rule a draw. Big. Waste. Of. Time. Or it would have been, except for the fact that I haven’t thrown in my vote for this match-up yet. It seems, I am the deciding vote and because of that I feel truly blessed. One would almost think this entire thing was rigged until you remember my integrity and resolve to make sure we get to the bottom of this ancient question. It is amongst this pressure and with a heavy but sure heart that I have decided that Waffles is the Grand Champion of Breakfast by the powers invested by Me and the Board of Breakfast Commission of the World Organization for Furthered Breakfast Foods. (I am also the only member of this board) As you can see, it’s legit. So, all that’s really left to do is tell everyone that voted for Pancakes wrong and make fun of them for being so naïve and stupid. I guess for people like them, food is not something they really care about. Us Waffle people are pretty much the beez-neez and really if you look who all is on Team Waffle it makes perfect sense. Team Pancake is full of people that don’t know much, people like Joe. Joe, folks that didn’t know, voted for Pancakes. This of course is very logical because Joe is always wrong. I have always said whenever Joe tries and argues with me (there have been many battles over the years) that ‘he is wrong and I am right’. Now with this very scientific study/poll conducted amongst our friends we have scientific evidence of Joe being dumb. Thank you Science and thank you most of all - Breakfast.